No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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