I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
