Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize