I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
