After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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