I got chris browned last night
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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