His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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