just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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