He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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