If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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