she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
