I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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