And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
