There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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