Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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