Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
