i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
