a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
