fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
