this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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