Buhtt sex?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
