After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize