This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
