this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Someone came in the potted fern
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
