i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Randomize
