So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
