I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just forgot I was standing up.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
