You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
