I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
