I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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