What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
