i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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