Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
