I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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