she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
