I wanna bring you to show and tell
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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