you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
