I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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