MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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