in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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