i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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