Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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