woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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