i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
