I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Randomize
