I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
