Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
