mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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