and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
