so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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