Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
