wat bout pragnant strippers??
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
