Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize