That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
