His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
