we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
