Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
