After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
