Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
