who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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