i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
