I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
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