I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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