vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
