I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
